I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
