talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
