New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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