How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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