drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
