then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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