I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
