Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
