"it" just moved
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
