Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
