I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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