last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
