He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
