At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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