I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
