So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
