She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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