I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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