haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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