Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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