but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
