remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
