Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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