So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
