coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
