You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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