im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
