I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
