try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
