FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
