Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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