I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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