i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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