im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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