I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
