Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
