My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
