I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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