oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
