I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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