Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
