____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
