my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
