so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
