I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
