i jhust puked up my retainher.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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