are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
