If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
