Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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