after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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