Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
