Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
